if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
