Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize
