one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
