i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Randomize
