The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
