Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
