You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
