Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
This is my gift to your gina
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
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