Your dad touched me again.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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