I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
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