I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
