drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
