yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize
