So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
