you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
