he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
you inspire me to be a worse person
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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