Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
