Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
