I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
