so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
