so that wasnt chicken after all
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
