when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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