He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
