the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
