Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
