Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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