She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
