More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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