just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
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