so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
