If i come over, it means nothing
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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