haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
did i walk over a car last night?
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
