I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Randomize
