I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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