yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i need an iv and a liver transplant
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize