i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
