Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
cat food counts as protein by the way
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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