FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
