i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
