when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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