there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
