Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
