ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Randomize
