when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
