Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
