I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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