I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
