cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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