He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
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