i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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