My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
