So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
