we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize