Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize
