sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Randomize