I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
