The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
