saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
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