You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
