the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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