Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
