Whoa Z and x make the same sound
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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