I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
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