Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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