considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
