Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Houston, we have a blender
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Randomize
