thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
