I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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