Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
