I am puke
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
third nipple confirmed
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
