she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
