i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
