My room smells like vodka and shame
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
