now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
