Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
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