fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Randomize
