Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
