That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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