you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
